I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
