Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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