I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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