They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
