Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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