Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
