Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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