whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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