I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
