I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
