are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
