chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
