just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
