It's a beautiful day for a hangover
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize