Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
