i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize