Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
