I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
