I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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