I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
