things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
