This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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