Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
