dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
