College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
