Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
