Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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