I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize