Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
