Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
