I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
