i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
