if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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