I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
