If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
