If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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