why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
