somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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