I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
