yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
