WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
