She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Your cock deserves a montage
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
