My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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