Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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