id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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