Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
