Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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