It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
