Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
