Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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