I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
