All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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