do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
