I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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