Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
