If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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