Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
