Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
