Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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