this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
