Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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