U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize