You can't motorboat a personality
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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