after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
