Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize