so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
