she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. đŚ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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