Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
