Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
