Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
