she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
