Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
