Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
