She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
