I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
