Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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