Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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