i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
