I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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