we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
