weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
