you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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