Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
