I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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