Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
