I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
