He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
