would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
