the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
