i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
where does the pee come out of this thing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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