I feel like I'm in dance class right now
This is not my ceiling
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
