i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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