I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
