she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize