I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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