Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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