He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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