Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize